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Friday, April 29, 2005

Back to my southern roots...

With all of my mom's side of the family being from Alabama my e-mail box is constantly being flooded with southern humor and such. I received the following e-mail that I thought was worth posting. By the way, I'm a chitlin!


>WHAT'S YOUR SOUTHERN SIGN?
>
>Some Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that
>read them. If they are to ever fully understand all the star signs and
>the people they represent, they need symbols that all true Southerners
>understand: See the list below...
>
>OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20) Are tough on the outside but tender on the
>inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back
>over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. You can do
>something good each day if you try.
>
>CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19) Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A
>Chitlin, however, will make something of himself if he is motivated and
>has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful, they may
>surprise you. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with
>Catfish and Okra.
>
>BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - March 20) You have an overwhelming curiosity.
>You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to
>bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very
>intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. You love to stay
>busy and tend to work too much. Nobody in their right mind is going to
>marry you, so don't worry about it.
>
>MOON PIE (March 21 - April 20) You're the type that spends a lot of time
>on the front porch. A cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon
>Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who
>you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy.
>You always have a big smile and are happy. This might be the year to
>think about aerobics. Maybe not.
>
>POSSUM (April 21 - May 21) When confronted with life's difficulties,
>possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a
>don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn,
>people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not
>psychologically healthy but seems to work for you! You are a rare breed.
>Most folks love to watch you work and play. You're a night person and
>mind your own business.
>
>CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21) Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an
>office, you're hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the
>beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, and the bathtub to
>the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically,
>but you have very, very good heads.
>
>COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23) Collards have a genius for communication.
>They love to get in the melting pot of life and share their essence with
>the essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers,
>psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes,
>if you are Collards, stay away from Crawfish. It just won't work. Save
>yourself a lot of heartache.
>
>CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23) Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the
>heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You
>Catfish are never easy people to understand. You run fast. You work and
>play hard. Even though you prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface
>of life, you are liked by most. Above all else, Catfish should stay away
>from Moon Pies.
>
>GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23) Your highest aim is to be with others like
>yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits.
>You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a
>club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese, gravy, bacon,
>butter, or eggs and a good time. If you can go somewhere where they have
>all these things, that serves you well. You are pure in heart.
>
>BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23) You have a passionate desire to help
>your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best, your friends
>and loved ones, may find that your personality is much too salty, and
>their criticism will affect you deeply because you are really much
>softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you
>want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road
>of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for
>you.
>
>BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22) Always invite a Butter Bean to a party
>because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter
>Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life, and you feel at
>home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However,
>you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.
>
>ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21) You have a tendency to develop a tough
>exterior, but you are actually quite gentle and kind inside. A good
>evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms, and
>insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions
>and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're
>almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably
>want to marry another Armadillo, but a Possum is another somewhat kinky
>mating possibilities.

2 comments:

Memphis Steve said...

Well slap my momma and call me Ora Mae. I'm from 'Bama, too, and I'm a chitlin jess like you! We must be the same person.

Shan'Chelle said...

Or maybe related! ;-) You know, that toilet does look familiar!