My Music

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Let the music speak to you

This week has started out a little rough which is such a shame since last week ended so great.
This morning I got in my car and popped in an old cd by The Calling. The following song spoke volumes to me so I'm going to share with you how I was feeling. I had a conversation earlier this evening that put things into a new perspective, but I still wanted to post this song to remind me if I have weak moments in the future.


I've been thinking about you, my love,
And all the crazy things that you put me through
Now I'm coming round, throwing it back to you
Were you thinking of me, when you kissed him
Could you taste me when you licked his skin
And all the while I showered you with trust and promises
What I'm needing now is some sweet revenge
To get back alll that I lost then
I gave you all I had to give, but I could never reach you

Adrienne, I thought I knew you
Once again, you used me, used me
Adrienne, I should have left you
Long before you used me, used me up

Spent my money, drove my car
I treated you like a shining star
But in my sky all burnt out you are
And I'll have the last laugh when I see you with some other guy
'Cause I know you're gonna end up all alone
So take these words, some good advice
All you've done's gonna come back twice
You never cared how much it hurt, I really need to tell you


What I'm needing now some sweet revenge
To get back all that I lost then.
I gave you all that I had to give, but could never reach you


Now that was one heck of a party....I think :-)

Hey all, I just wanted to take the time to post some quick pics and let y'all know that I had a FABULOUS birthday. It seemed to go by too fast (doesn't it always??) but I made the most out of it. Funniest moment of the day was driving down the road from one massage appointment to another and realizing I forgot my bra at the office and didn't have time to go back for it. Thank goodness for Cjristie (in more ways than one) cause she went back to get it for me (in the process going into the wrong building and wondering why I had my massage in a place that looked suspiciously like a dentist office....oh wait, that WAS a dentist office!!)

After 3 hours of making myself so relaxed I was about to melt into the floor but then I got to go shopping because I didn't have a birthday outfit. I had no idea what I wanted to wear. Couldn't really find anything at first and then I managed to find a really cute shirt that I everyone said was a great color on me. I was trying to find some pants (I've been doing too many skirts lately) but I couldn't and ended up finding a REALLY cute skirt (kinda like renaissance garb) that completed the outfit. Also found some shoes that I thought I was going to kill myself in (I didn't fall once....HA!) and some jewelry that matched perfectly.

Dinner was great. I don't know if all of these people are going to see this but I really want to express my feelings on how people made me feel on Saturday. It felt so good to see all of my favorite people and know that they were there to celebrate me made me feel so special. Thank you Liz, Joe, Shawn, Cjristie, and Tony. Oh and Cathy/Jea9/Justin I understand why you couldn't be there. Hope to see you next time I'm down. Lori, I am so glad that you made it to the bar. I don't hate you and if I had a way to get ahold of you then u would definitely have been pre-invited by me. You are so much fun. Bob, you should have come out with us, you would have had fun (heaven forbid) but I am know you were celebrating for me in your own way :-)

Now for the most part I remember the rest of the night (including calling the east coast at 2 am pacific time to wake up my best friend in Ohio.....I love you brentie, tell cj I'm sorry). Most of all I remember smiling and laughing and dancing and singing and telling people how I feel about them. All in all a good night. And even though I didn't know it then someone was in the process of giving me the best birthday present that I have ever gotten....and that is all I will say about that.

The next morning the band (christina, shawn, and myself) went do breakfast at Perkos very early. We then went and took a nap and I headed home around 2. I don't know what I would do without these people in my life. If there was anything good that came out of my relationship with the ex it was that he brought these wonderful people into my life. For that I am grateful.

Saturday, January 28, 2006

Happy Chinese New Year!

It has been a busy week but I thought I would take a quick second to write the post I promised earlier in the week explaining why I was looking forward to this weekend. As you probably can guess it is not the Chinese New Year because I am not chinese. It is of course my birthday today. I'm trying to stay awake until my birth time of 4:38 am but I think I'm going to crash before that.

Now onto why I'm so excited. In the words of my father, "I'm 28 on the 28th and that only happens once in a lifetime!" I have a great weekend planned and am just going to take this time to celebrate me....just like it should be. I plan to pamper myself and then dance the night away. Later this morning I have a deep tissue massage (my present to me) and then I have a Thai foot massage (christina's present to me) and then my day of beauty ends with the torture of having my 3rd and 4th eyebrows (they get so thick its like I have 2 extras) ripped off. Then I get to have dinner with all my favorite people in Stockton. I haven't decided where but it will either be Outback or something Mexican. After dinner my two best friends and I are reuniting the band and have promised me a night I won't remember. Then tomorrow I get to have dinner with my family at Red Lobster.

I'd like to take the time to thank my mother for all the labor pains before and after bringing me into this world because in the words of my more eloquent half "because life doesn't just begin with birth but every time we are altered and grow....and god knows change isn't always easy"

Hope everyone's "new year" is great and I will post pictures of the madness yet to come next week.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Word of the day

This week's theme: words better known in their negative forms.

requite (ri-KWYT) verb tr.

To repay, return for, avenge, or retaliate.

When I read my e-mail this word caught my eye and I realized that for once I am content with life and actually not feeling any anger or need to strike out at people. For as long as I can remember I have always had trouble letting go of the past. I am not saying that I have necessarily put my past completely behind me but I have in some way learned how to deal with it in a manner that is allowing me to get back on the road to my future. Yay me!

I bought the Michael Buble cd this weekend and fell in love with the first song. It is very jazzy and upbeat and the lyrics are great. I will share it with you below, hope that you all have a great week! I can't wait until next Saturday...for those of you who don't know why, I will share that later in the week ;-)

"Feeling Good" by Michael Buble

Birds flying high
You know how I feel
Sun in the sky
You know how I feel
Reeds driftin' on by
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Fish in the sea
You know how I feel
River running free
You know how I feel
Blossom in the tree
You know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me
And I'm feeling good

Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know
Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when the day is done
And this old world is a new world
And a bold world
For me

Stars when you shine
You know how I feel
Scent of the pine
You know how I feel
Yeah freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
It's a new dawn
It's a new day
It's a new life
For me

And I'm feeling good

Sunday, January 15, 2006

How best to advertise "Shanda"

Ok everyone, in this age of constant advertising everything has a slogan. Below are the top 20 choices which have been adapted for my own personal use. I like so many of them I can't narrow it down to just one. Tell me what you think :-)

  1. Shanda - The Appetizer!

  2. Avez-Vous Un Shanda?

  3. It's A Bit Of A Shanda.

  4. The Too Good to Hurry Shanda.

  5. The Shanda That Likes To Say Yes.

  6. If You Really Want To Know, Look In The Shanda.

  7. Let the Shanda Begin.

  8. Dude, You're Getting a Shanda!

  9. Shanda Comes to Those Who Wait.

  10. Shanda Is Good For You.

  11. Break Me Off a Piece of That Shanda.

  12. Kills All Known Shanda - Dead.

  13. Come Fly The Friendly Shanda.

  14. I'm a Secret Shanda Drinker.

  15. There's Always Room For Shanda.

  16. Step Into The Shanda.

  17. Why wear Cotton When You Can wear Shanda?

  18. The Right Shanda at the Right Time.

  19. Leave the Shanda to Us.

  20. Got Shanda?

Wanna have some fun of your own? Visit INSTASLOGAN to find out what YOUR slogan is

Friday, January 13, 2006

Now I know my ABC's

[A is for age:]
27...for a couple weeks at least :-)

[B is for booze of choice]
Shot: Tequila....preferrably patron
Mixed Drink: Long Island Iced Tea

[C is for career]
I work for the man making excuses for why our overseas help doesn't know how to do their job and get these people their money.

[D is for your dog's name:]
Dog's drool cats rule :-P Actually its Xavier my black lab on the side of my blog

[E is for essential items you use everyday:]
Computer, prozac, caffeine

[F is for favorite song(s) at the moment:]
Extraordinary Girl -Greenday
Almost Had You -Bowling for Soup
All Jacked Up -Gretchen Wilson

[G is for favorite games:]
Any card game, Hoopla

[H is for hometown:]
Stockton, CA

[I is for instruments you play:]
I was great at the flute in 4th grade until I broke my arm. Good thing though, don't think my asthma could have handled it.

[J is for jam or jelly you like:]

[K is for kids?]
Everyone knows that the answer to this question is yes but not for a while, I am in my selfish phase (stop laughing)

[L is for last kiss?:]
Hmmm....does it say anything that it was from the second to last person I want to see right now? Too bad too because the kisses prior to that were to die for.

[M is for most admired trait:]
Caring and sympathetic nature

[N is for name of your crush:]
Surprisingly no one right now.

[O is for overnight hospital stays:]
Actually I haven't had to stay in the hospital overnight since I was a baby. Not because I'm healthy but because my injuries aren't THAT serious

[P is for phobias:]
Being alone

[Q is for quotes you like:]
"The heart has reasons the mind does not understand"

[R is for biggest regret:]
Not finishing college

[S is for sweets of your choice:]
anything chocolate

[T is for time you wake up:]
On my own: 10 am
Under diress: 4:30 am

[U is for underwear:]
when I actually wear underwear (not very often) I usually wear cotton...but I bought some gorgeous red lacy underwear and matching bras for the New Year.

[V is for vegetables you love:]
Asparagus, peas, artichokes

[Wis for worst habit:]
Being Needy

[X is for x-rays you've had:]
Too many....

[Y is for yummy food you make:]
Fudge - Better than sex Peanut Butter and Chocolate

[Z is for zodiac sign:]

Totally horoscope for today:

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18): Although you may be thinking about changing your diet or adding a healthier routine to your day, the practical reality of your schedule may overshadow even the best of intentions. Don't be too hard on yourself now if you come up with a great plan and then let it fall to the wayside. Even if you don't make it happen, you are setting the stage for a change that's still on the way.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Who me weird?

The first player of this game starts with the topic "five weird habits" of yourself and people who get tagged need to write an entry about their five weird habits as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose the next five people to be tagged and link to their web journals.

SO.... five weird habits...

1. Eating pickles dipped in chocolate pudding, and NO I'm not pregnant
2. Practicing the ASL alphabet first on my right hand then on my left hand whenever I go to the bathroom
3. Watching TV while on the computer and listening to internet radio while chatting with several people at once
4. Drinking A-1 Sauce from the bottle
5. Driving far away on the spur of the moment to clear my mind and "relax"

I am going to tag people because thats how you play the game but anyone who wants to do it feel free :-)

Cjristina (duh!), Acting Golfer (I need to see something new on your site...I'm tired of trying to find the lebby), Brooke (because I'm going to steal your recent meme), Annie (because I miss seeing you around!), and Remle (are you still around???)

Hmmm....this says a lot

Thanks for the quiz Brooke! Interesting that I got the same result....this is a very sensual song though so I could see it working for me :-)

Your Stipper Song Is

Closer by Nine Inch Nails

"You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I�ve got no
Soul to tell"

When you dance, it's a little scary - and a lot sexy.

Insurance Explained

It's been an interesting week. Over the weekend I heard an older lady in the restroom at the movie theatre talking about how the government decided to solve our nation's social security problem by denying them their medicine (in referrence to the medicare part d plan) so as to kill them all off. I kind of chuckled until I got to the pharmacy to pick up my grandmother's cancer medication and the pharmacy said that the insurance denied it (this is insanely expensive medication that there is no alternative for) then I thought "hmmm...maybe the lady was not far from wrong"

As you all know I work for an insurance company. As it is a new year most of our companies are renewing their plans and making their yearly changes to their benefits. I got the distinct pleasure of being yelled at a woman with a North Dakota accent about her 85 year old mother's retiree plan and how could I live with myself taking the food out of her mother's mouth and the clothes of her back. I wanted to point out that I was not getting any of her mother's money and that I was actually a socialized medicine advocate then I was going to ask her to campaign for the ballot measure when it came out. Ironically these people who yell at me are the same ones who shoot down socialized medicine every time you bring it up.

In tribute I am going to post the following e-mail explaining how insurance works. I have no problem admitting I work for the man and anyone who knows me that I have had a really hard time going against my socialized medicine viewpoints (healthcare should NOT be a business it should be a guarantee)....anyway,hope you enjoy the funny :-)

Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "HEY MOE."
Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges,
who discovered that a patient could be made to forget the pain in his
foot if he was poked hard enough in the eye.
Q. I just joined an HMO. How difficult will it be to choose
the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents.
Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors in the
plan. The doctors basically fall into two categories--those who are no
longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no
longer participating in the plan. But don't worry, the remaining doctor
who is
still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office
just a half-day's drive away and a diploma from a third world country.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. Can I get coverage for my preexisting conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
Q What happens if I want to try alternative forms of
A. You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need
the name brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach
ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. What if I'm away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn't do that.
Q. I think I need t! o see a specialist, but my doctor insists
he can handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a
heart transplant right in his/her office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all your risking is the
$20 co-payment, there's no harm in giving it a shot.
Q. Will health care be different in the next century?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an
appointment by then.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Is this the New Year or just the same old recycled one?

Here's the Story of the Day:

Wants to be a model for children & still keep doing all the adult stuff for fun & for the moment, she's keeping her two lives secret from one another

I haven't had much excitement over the first few days of the New Year. IN FACT, by working so much I think I have brought out a recurrence of my last illness of the last year. As such I have decided to stay home and take it easy today....well sort of. I did get to sleep in but there are things that need to be done here and I will be doing stuff like cleaning and installing a new antivirus on my computer etc. I noticed as the last year came to a close that I am becoming increasingly lax about keeping my two lives (see above) seperate from each other. Maybe that is what they mean by growing up. You just don't care enough anymore to exert the energy necessary to hide parts of yourself anymore. Don't get me wrong, there are still certain aspects that I would love to keep secret for the rest of my life but for the most part it doesn't bother me having my mother read my blog, or calling to wish my parents happy new year from a bar bathroom. Does this make me a bad person? I don't know. For better or worse, I think it just makes me me.

What also makes me me is the constant second guessing of myself and settling for less than I deserve. I have been getting inklings of feelings over the last couple days that make me think that some of the more destructive parts of last year have finally come to an end with the strike of midnight on Saturday. It's as if standing in the middle of a crowded bar the first kisses of the New Year were more of a kiss goodbye than a kiss hello. I would expect that realization to make me sad but I'm more indifferent than I give myself credit for. Its like the epiphany that I shared with Cjristina this weekend. While I do love every person I have been romantically involved with I have been coming to realize that its not really been about them. I have not necessarily been fair to them because sometimes it feels that our relationships are more about me wanting (needing?) them to love and adore me than actually having a relationship with them. My motivations are often selfish and I have come to the conclusion that if I do not learn to control these motivations I will never be truly happy. That brings me to the actual act of self control. Will I be able to do it? Maybe. I truly hope so because I do deserve to be happy.

I want to give a special thank you to Cjristina, Liz, Joe, Shawn, Justin, Jenny, and Carin for playing your various parts in helping to bring me into the New Year a little more secure within myself. Hopefully I will be able to develop the love and/or respect for myself that these people seem to have for me.

Risk! Risk anything! ... Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth.

- Katherine Mansfield

Monday, January 02, 2006

Happy Birthday to.....HER!

I have found three people with today as their birthday and one of them just happens to be my beautiful best friend who danced her way into her 40th birthday (without me :-<) last night. I really tried to be there for her but I did leave her in really good company (and in a nice ass limo mind you!) It just wouldn't be a testament to our friendship if we didn't get lost and have an adventure on our excursion so I submit for everyone's reading pleasure what happened to me while my friends were partying it up in Sacramento.

Today is Christina's birthday and last night she wanted to "go clubbin" so that she could dance into her 40th birthday. Her sisters rented a limo and a few of her close friends were heading up to sac to some dance clubs. Being she is my best friend I didn't want to miss out but as I've previously mentioned my soul is no longer my own and I had to be at work 2 hours away at 6:15 in the morning. We were supposed to leave at 9:30 so I decided I would follow them to the first club and then take off from there (at least it was in the direction of home). Well the limo didn't get there until 9:45 and we didn't get out of Stockton until 10:15 after stopping at the Quik Stop for them to get booze and soda. When we got to Sacramento I lost the limo but luckily knew where I was going. After driving up and down the street that this place was supposed to be on for about 20 minutes I get a phone call from the limo. They can't find it either. Turns out McGees had changed to some cabo wabo place. I decided to just give up and told them to go to one of the other clubs, I was just going to go home. Well as I was heading to the freeway I see this Chevron selling gas for $2.04. WOW! That's a good price I think. Mind you, I'm not in a very good part of Citrus Heights and the gas station was pretty much deserted but who can pass up gass for $2.04? I pull in and head up to pay (I had cash with me for once and after hearing your story wasn't going to use my card :-P). There is a sign on the door "locked at night use window at the front of the store. GREAT! I hand this guy my money and head back to pump my gas. What you might not know is that my car was broken into when I lived in Sac. When I took it to Geweke to have it fixed they took off my gas door to match the paint color and when they put it on they forgot the spring so when I pull the lever in the car the gas door does not pop open. As such the only way to get into the gas tank is to hold up the lever while prying open the door. This always proves to be difficult since my arms are not made of rubber and are nowhere near long enough to accomplish this task. This is certainly not something I took into account when I decided to pull into a deserted gas station on a rainy night at 11:30 where even the big burly gas station man won't come out of his locked store. So I rig the fuel release just right with some stuff I had in the car and am able to contort my body just enough to get the fuel door open. My passenger side door is still wide open and its starting to rain (they just don't make awnings like they used to) when I heard "STOP IT GET THE F&#( AWAY FROM ME DAMNIT" I look up to see this homeless man standing about 20-30 feet in front of my car yelling at the invisible person next to him. He doesn't seem to see me but in my infinite wisdom I decided I would shut my car door. The sound of my door slamming made his attention snap to me. It was like one of those scenes in the horror movies where you are trying to remain unnoticed and the slightest sound makes them zero in on you. So the crazy guy starts moving towards me. I'm kinda frozen wide eyed staring at him as I chug my arizona green tea. He suddenly stops and says "He's this tall and this big and he wants to lick the back of my head" The only thing I could think to say at this point was "Woah, really? I hate when that happens". I guess this must have been the right answer because he just stares at me for a minute (probably thinking I'm either crazier than he is or a figment of his imagination) and then starts yelling at the big guy licking the back of his head and moves away from my car. About that time the gas pump clicked off and I went up to get my change from the man in the booth and try to walk as normally as possible to my car where I immediately lock my doors and peel out of there. That adrenaline rush was certainly enough to keep me awake on the two hour drive home.