My Music

Friday, April 29, 2005

Just an update...

Today went well! Woo hoo! I had my interview this morning and it seemed al'right. It was very fast (only about 30 minutes) but I think I remembered everything I was supposed to mention. It was a lot easier because I was decidedly un-nervous.

After the interview I ran some errands and went in for some extra hours at work (have to make up for missing monday and all!) It felt good to actually be doing something, I think I might start working on Friday's again.

I got some good news talking to a friend of mine at work. I don't have to take a history class that I thought I needed. History is so depressing and I definately don't need that right now. On top of that it looks like I may be able to apply for an AA after a couple more semesters. so I might do that before I apply to the respiratory care or nursing program.

Well I guess thats all for now. I am going to post my revised school schedule on here just for the heck of it.

Summer 2005

Cosumnes River College

Bus 340 - Business Law

Class#: 10966

American River College

Acct 121 - Payroll Accounting

Class #: 12450

Acct 341 - Accounting for the Microcomputer

Class #: 12451

Bus 100 - Business English

Class # 10492

Sacramento City College

Anth 300 - Magic, Witchcraft, and Religion

Class # 11422

Fall 2005

Sacramento City College

Bus 300 - Introduction to Business

Class # 17637

Bus 310 - Business Communications

Class # 15961

American River College

Acct 103 - Intermediate Accounting

Class # 10395

Acct 311 - Managerial Accounting

Class # 10385

Mgmt 360 - Management Communications

Class # 13001

Back to my southern roots...

With all of my mom's side of the family being from Alabama my e-mail box is constantly being flooded with southern humor and such. I received the following e-mail that I thought was worth posting. By the way, I'm a chitlin!

>Some Southerners are pretty skeptical of horoscopes and the people that
>read them. If they are to ever fully understand all the star signs and
>the people they represent, they need symbols that all true Southerners
>understand: See the list below...
>OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20) Are tough on the outside but tender on the
>inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back
>over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. You can do
>something good each day if you try.
>CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19) Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A
>Chitlin, however, will make something of himself if he is motivated and
>has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful, they may
>surprise you. They can erupt like Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with
>Catfish and Okra.
>BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - March 20) You have an overwhelming curiosity.
>You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to
>bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very
>intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. You love to stay
>busy and tend to work too much. Nobody in their right mind is going to
>marry you, so don't worry about it.
>MOON PIE (March 21 - April 20) You're the type that spends a lot of time
>on the front porch. A cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon
>Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who
>you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy.
>You always have a big smile and are happy. This might be the year to
>think about aerobics. Maybe not.
>POSSUM (April 21 - May 21) When confronted with life's difficulties,
>possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a
>don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn,
>people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not
>psychologically healthy but seems to work for you! You are a rare breed.
>Most folks love to watch you work and play. You're a night person and
>mind your own business.
>CRAWFISH (May 22 - June 21) Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an
>office, you're hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the
>beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, and the bathtub to
>the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically,
>but you have very, very good heads.
>COLLARDS (June 22 - July 23) Collards have a genius for communication.
>They love to get in the melting pot of life and share their essence with
>the essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers,
>psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes,
>if you are Collards, stay away from Crawfish. It just won't work. Save
>yourself a lot of heartache.
>CATFISH (July 24 - Aug 23) Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the
>heart, although one's whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You
>Catfish are never easy people to understand. You run fast. You work and
>play hard. Even though you prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface
>of life, you are liked by most. Above all else, Catfish should stay away
>from Moon Pies.
>GRITS (Aug 24 - Sept 23) Your highest aim is to be with others like
>yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits.
>You love to travel though, so maybe you should think about joining a
>club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese, gravy, bacon,
>butter, or eggs and a good time. If you can go somewhere where they have
>all these things, that serves you well. You are pure in heart.
>BOILED PEANUTS (Sept 24 - Oct 23) You have a passionate desire to help
>your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best, your friends
>and loved ones, may find that your personality is much too salty, and
>their criticism will affect you deeply because you are really much
>softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you
>want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road
>of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for
>BUTTER BEAN (Oct 24 - Nov 22) Always invite a Butter Bean to a party
>because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter
>Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life, and you feel at
>home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However,
>you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.
>ARMADILLO (Nov 23 - Dec 21) You have a tendency to develop a tough
>exterior, but you are actually quite gentle and kind inside. A good
>evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms, and
>insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions
>and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're
>almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably
>want to marry another Armadillo, but a Possum is another somewhat kinky
>mating possibilities.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Isn't it Friday yet?

Sigh....1 test down 1 to go. I can't believe how overwhelmed I feel this semester. I am definately not taking as many classes and I am actually doing pretty well (I have an A in both of them) it is just a daily struggle to make it through. I actually think I did ok on the test I took today (thanks for asking!) I can at least assure myself that I got a C. I think I did better than that, however, I am afraid to commit to that feeling because whenever I think I aced something I do a lot worse so I will stick with a solid C. The test tomorrow actually shouldn't be too bad. I am just really exhausted. I actually caught up on some sleep over the weekend and still feel bad.

In regards to the interview I mentioned in earlier posts I found out some distressing information. Looks as if the interview process is more of a formality. From inside information they have had a temp in the position for quite some time. Why would they go with me over someone who has already proven that they can do the job. All I can do is go through with the interview though and brace myself for more rejection. I think it is time that I face the fact that I am going to have to look for a new job, not just a new position. I am pretty sure that if I wanted to come back when I get accepted to the respiratory care program in the spring that they would take me back.

See the above phrase....I can still be optomistic, I said WHEN I get accepted. This is the best I can do for today :-)

Friday, April 22, 2005

my family picture....isn't my nephew cute? ;-) Posted by Hello

The most beautiful face u just couldn't resist Posted by Hello

A not so flattering picture....go kitty porn ;-) Posted by Hello

My first kitty....I got him when he was less than a year old. Now he is almost 15 and is with my parents. We did get the honor of having him stay with us for three months while my parent's moved. Posted by Hello

A very flattering picture of my pride and joy, my chubba kitty dorito. She has been hopping on the desk while I'm posting so I figured she wanted an honorable mention :-) Posted by Hello

Another day another moodswing I should be working today. Money isn't going to fall out of the sky and I know that it is a major source of my depression, however, I am just feeling not so motivated today. I have two tests next week and so far the semester has been going pretty well overall (if you don't take into account the online web design class I was not so prepared for), however, I am really not very confident about these two. The anatomy and physiology test is on the digestive system and endocrine system which turned out to heavy in histology, which is not my strong suit. I think I am more afraid of doing well on my accounting test though. My accounting teacher told me I would make a good accountant which I don't know if I'm ok with. For these statements to make sense you have to know me, but in my head it makes perfect sense.

I am feeling a little calmer now because I have at least gotten an interview for a full time job with the company I am currently working for, however, it is sort of an anticlimactic feeling. Being rejected so much in the last 3-4 months has done wonders for my somewhat optimistic outlook on this subject and I am just feeling like I shouldn't get my hopes up anymore.

Maybe I'm feeling a little bit let down because I thought that I was finally at a point that I could work part time and finally finish school. Maybe I'm still feeling worried because I feel my life crumbling toward the inevitable return back to my parent's spare bedroom and nobody seems to want to help me stop it (or maybe I just don't want to let them help me). Maybe I'm just sad that my life has not progressed past the obsessive memories of my past. In the end I am the same disturbed, non focused, selfish individual I have been for years. I guess maybe my sins have finally caught up with me and are paying me back. Let's all drink to Karma kicking the people in the ass who deserve it eh?

Wednesday, April 20, 2005



That is what I feel like inside, but not necessarily what I show on the outside....well most of the least I try not to. However, sometimes I get so tired of being strong, working hard, pushing my way through the crowds of life that I breakdown. I feel myself coming to this point and I don't really know how to stop it. You would think with as many times as I have gone through this in my life I would know how to stop it, or at least how to deal with it. Alas, I do not and so I plunge deeper into my nervous breakdown with my eyes clamped shut. Hoping...thinking....praying that if I just don't acknowledge it these feelings will go away.

What I don't understand is why during times like these people turn to the past as a comfort. Its not like these feelings are new. Its not like the past was any better. Why is it that time can blur the edges of past pain, and turn adulterous tramps into best friends? Maybe it is the way we cope with our perceived demons of the past. If time can turn other events, such as your high school experience, into a warm fuzzy moment, then maybe what we have done in the past isn't so bad anymore. Nevermind that this rational is complete bullshit, just squeeze your eyes closed a bit tighter and you might actually believe it.

How about those people who say that they want to help you but can't even manage to help themselves? But then again, who really can help themselves these days? Really who even tries? I know sometimes I don't. I could have went to the doctor already, but then I would have to face what is really wrong in my life; the fact that I don't value myself enough to not let people make me their second choice. Or the fact that I am not really intelligent enough to make the goals that I set for myself come true. I mean, what really is the point of trying when I'm only desirable or even remembered fondly in the future when I've become part of somebody else's past? So I repeat...


I am tired. Tired of making plans that never come through. Tired of being the only one worried about things. Tired of not being able to hide my emotions from the rest of the world. Tired of not being able to have fun. Tired of being fat. Tired of being tired. Tired of looking to other people for financial help. Tired of feeling like screaming inside. Just plain tired. That being said I don't know what to do about it. I try to fix it, nothing works out. I try to ignore it, things get worse. I try to leave it behind, I can't let go. The vicious circle we call life. How does anybody ever survive?

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

My favorite rockstar friend Shawn. I got a chance to see him in action last weekend at Bogey's karaoke bar in Stockton CA and this picture is proof! :-) Posted by Hello

Sunday, April 03, 2005

The one drivers license picture that I wish I never had to get rid of... Posted by Hello

Bush is the new gay

For those of you who don't know me, no I am not gay. This is not a fact that should matter in my opinion, however, for many of you it does. I am of the belief that discrimination is wrong, and to get the point across I thought maybe the following idea would be a good one.....what do you think?

Gay as a Negative Adjective is So Gay!

Now I'm not one to be PC, the term alone is enough to make me want to beat a Muslim with a fetus. However, I feel I have matured enough to finally take a firm stand on the middle school definition of something that is sucky or... Gay. To be fair, a gay man can be very sucky --usually to another gay man or group of gay men. But the term gay as a synonym for shitty, crappy, bad, or stupid has officially run its course. Like the O.C., it's O.ver.

First off, it's phenomenally rude. Do you think it would really fly with my brothers and sisters of color out there if someone asked you, "Hey did you catch that new John Stamos show Jake in Progress?"and you responded, "Nah, that shit looks totally African American." You'd be black soon too, friend. Black and blue. And how would all my sexy yellow Asian pals out there feel if someone asked you, "Hey did you ever read the Da Vinci Code?" and you responded, "Dude, reading is so Oriental." Not only would they tell you that Oriental is a type of rug or cuisine and not a person, but they would also hit you in the face with a stick of bamboo. Bamboo + BAM! = boo boo.

Secondly, have you honestly ever met a gay guy who wasn't cooler than just about everyone you know? They dress better than us. They do cooler drugs than us. Their drinks are stronger and more colorful. Their witty comments are far more hilarious than ours, and their zingers zing like the tangy taste of frikkin' Miracle Whip. You and I both know that gay dudes are always surrounded by gorgeous women who fawn over their every move and would gladly let them touch their tits.

I've seen like 53 gay guys just grab a chick's tits and the chick will laugh and laugh or make like she loves it and it's the hottest thing ever. When I grab a chick's tits I either have a lawsuit on my hands or far worse, a serious relationship!

How is it that the word gay became associated with something that wasn't cool? It's not like on Queer Eye the Fab Five come in and make your apartment look like the Jersey Turnpike. You know, really awful. They make it look great, awesome, dare I say fabulous! They buy you cool clothes, they save your hair from looking like it's the '90s, they make you hipper than you really are. Yet how do you reward Carson, Tom, Jai, et al? By saying that the hockey strike is so gay as is the whole damn sport as well as the entire nation of Canada.

Yes professional hockey sucks dick, but it is certainly not gay, sir! Granted there are grown men on ice skates, a lot of stick handling, and once those teeth are knocked out nothin' beats a gummy blowjob. But dammit, hockey is not gay.

I propose a new and improved term for things that honk. The next time one of your chums asks, "Hey are you going to go see Miss Congeniality 2 next weekend?" Why don't you try out my new patented buzzword for the blowworthy. "Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous? Are you out of your mind? That shit looks completely BUSHED."

Let's face it. There is nothing less cool than George W Bush. He's the most hated president in US history. He is hated all over the world. Bring up the name Bush and you hear moans and groans. Show any minority a picture of Bush and they get angry. He is the symbol for everything that is wrong in the United States. So what better term to replace gay with than Bush. And if the gays can make "fetch" happen (and they did, thank you Mean Girls) it's obvious that they pretty much run the show anyway. Bush just runs things into the ground... like our economy.

So the memo is officially out. Replace "GAY" in the negative with "BUSH". Use Bush in a sentence today. Every day. And soon, the nasty gay term will be obsolete and the new improved Bush term will catch on. I promise you.

A little about me

I am currently searching for my place in society. I am currently in the process of finding my career and achieving a balance in my life. In my current employment experience I have found that I am happiest when I am helping people, however, I would not consider any job that I have had a career. While I am committed to the values of my current employer, I will need professional licensing in order to move further and become more involved in the organization. I am struggling to achieve the balance in my life that I so desire because of the financial burden of putting myself through school to earn the education necessary to advance in the medical field while obtaining hands on experience while volunteering in the community. It seems to me such a circular contridiction what we put the average or lower income student through in order to obtain an education. Hopefully one day I will be in a position to contribute to changes in the way our society approaches education and community service.

I have a BLOG

I am not really advertising my blog so this will likely not reach many people. I received the following e-mail from one of my mailing lists and I saw an opportunity to post the following information which I wholeheartedly believe in. I am not in a position to help financially, and I wouldn't expect anybody out there who doesn't have the means to do so. If I were in a position I would certainly support this and other worthy causes to fight for what I believe to be a very destructive and deadly administration. We MUST be very careful when it comes to our personal liberties, and it is NOT OK to take away the liberties of one group of people to advance the cause of another, no matter who that may be. I certainly do not expect everyone to agree with me but as an American I expect to be able to express my beliefs.

April 2, 2005

Dear Signatory of the NION Statement:

As one of the over 13,000 people who have signed the new Not In Our Name Statement of Conscience you know the impact of how it exposes, condemns, and calls for massive resistance to the direction the Bush administration is moving society. This is a message that needs to reach millions. Since the January 20th inauguration, events have accelerated in a frightful direction. Sharp attacks have been launched on academia to drive out voices of opposition and diversity on campuses from the University of Colorado to Columbia University. Congress and the Bushes have taken extraordinary measures in the tragic Terri Schiavo situation -- trampling over her and her husband's expressed wishes, disparaging medical doctors, calling for the impeachment of judges, and generally pushing aside what have been the basic principles of law until now. The publication of the NION statement in Colorado and Florida will bring powerful voices of conscience, hope and a potential to link the kind of resistance that's needed to stop the direction things are headed towards.

Many people have written to us about the need to reach out to different audiences with this statement. Here is a chance to do just that and in places where the need to see this statement is great. We encourage you to contribute generously to make this happen and to post this message to friends, family, newsletters, bulletin boards -- wherever you can so that many more people will sign the statement, contribute and be part of the NION community.

Funds are urgently needed. Our aim is to accomplish this within the next week.

The plan is to publish the statement in the Denver Post and the Rocky Mountain News, the Columbia Spectator, the Miami Herald (in both English and Spanish editions) and the Orlando Sentinel on a Sunday (Sundays have the largest circulation in all the papers). It will cost $212,000.00 to make this happen.

With your help, we can do this.
Make your on-line contribution at:
For a postable PDF of the NION Statement:
Please write us at:

From Janet and the NION Staff

Here are a few of the many messages of appreciation we've received for the new Not In Our Name Statement:

Thank you for this opportunity to do something during this frightening time. (NY)


I was deeply moved by your full-page ad in the Sunday New York Times this past weekend. It expressed everything I want to say and never see in the media. I now have it pinned next to my desk for inspiration. I cannot fully convey my gratitude for this new Statement of Conscience, and it raises my spirits to see that so many of my favorite artists, minds and public figures are part of this important movement, for all of us here and around the whole world over. (Ohio)


I am an eighty six year old widow and on a good month, my income is $1,200. But, the fact that someone is standing up to what is being done to this country has to be supported.

I have disliked and mistrusted presidents before but never have I feared one. This man is dangerous and will destroy us. I wish I could be more generous and would be thrilled to have my name included with those published. (California)