Ok....so I should be working today. Money isn't going to fall out of the sky and I know that it is a major source of my depression, however, I am just feeling not so motivated today. I have two tests next week and so far the semester has been going pretty well overall (if you don't take into account the online web design class I was not so prepared for), however, I am really not very confident about these two. The anatomy and physiology test is on the digestive system and endocrine system which turned out to heavy in histology, which is not my strong suit. I think I am more afraid of doing well on my accounting test though. My accounting teacher told me I would make a good accountant which I don't know if I'm ok with. For these statements to make sense you have to know me, but in my head it makes perfect sense.
I am feeling a little calmer now because I have at least gotten an interview for a full time job with the company I am currently working for, however, it is sort of an anticlimactic feeling. Being rejected so much in the last 3-4 months has done wonders for my somewhat optimistic outlook on this subject and I am just feeling like I shouldn't get my hopes up anymore.
Maybe I'm feeling a little bit let down because I thought that I was finally at a point that I could work part time and finally finish school. Maybe I'm still feeling worried because I feel my life crumbling toward the inevitable return back to my parent's spare bedroom and nobody seems to want to help me stop it (or maybe I just don't want to let them help me). Maybe I'm just sad that my life has not progressed past the obsessive memories of my past. In the end I am the same disturbed, non focused, selfish individual I have been for years. I guess maybe my sins have finally caught up with me and are paying me back. Let's all drink to Karma kicking the people in the ass who deserve it eh?
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You're in a tough field and the economy is in a weird state, with all sorts of promises of jobs and then all the companies just freeze and wait for something mystical sign before hiring more people. And being right on the edge of making it, that is never easy. I know how you feel. For what it's worth, at least with this blog you aren't going to be alone.
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