My Music

Sunday, December 31, 2006

So long and thanx for all the fish!

Well it is almost the last day of the year and I have been inspired to do one last post of the year. Its been hit or miss for me blogwise this year but I am happy to squeeze one more in under the wire :-)

Year in review:

2006 has had a lot of ups and downs. I am not really sure what to say about it so I think I'm going to do this is a sort of stream of conciousness style so bear with me....

Lost some friends…on the other hand I also lost some people who were just pretending to be friends.

Lost my grandma, lost my first cat, lost my soul mate Ree Ree all in the same month. That was a really bad month. I am still recovering from that one.

Found some old friends and made them new, found some new friends and began to make them old, found out which friends were really true…kept them close to my heart even if I couldn’t have them in my life like before.

This year I began to go after what I wanted…then I got scared and reverted back to old patterns. In the midst of all this I began to realize that no matter how much I tried to screw my life up, this year it wasn’t working. It makes me think that I had some special energy in the universe looking out for me. Maybe that goes back to the second line of this rambling overview…maybe, just maybe, those we love are never lost they just cease to be seen. Hmm…that’s a good one to ponder for 2007.

This year I began to be honest with myself about what I want for my life and myself. I got accepted into the Respiratory Therapy program and finished the first semester. It was easier than I imagined in some ways…and harder than I thought in other ways. One semester down, three to go. Most importantly I will finally have a degree before I pass thirty!

For a good part of the year I battled loneliness in a new place with a new job and an uncertain future. I am winning…for now…but I think….no I KNOW…that this is a battle I will fight right into 2007 and beyond.

The holiday season this year was kind of sad; completely foreign. Without Grandma it was as if we were floating without an anchor. Thanksgiving my mom dad and I took the 8 hour jaunt on down to L.A. to spend time with my brother. It was so much fun but we didn’t have nearly enough time. We went back to the happiest place on earth for the first time since New Years 2005. I became a pirate princess and found out what its like to have a good time when your not worried about trying to make sure someone who didn’t even want to be there has a good time. I think Buzz Lightyear said it best…TO INFINITY, AND BEYOND!!!!!!!!! That’s my new motto for the rest of my life. Some things I learned there:

1. Don’t put 5 big people in one boat on splash mountain and think you might just get “wet”. You are going to get soaked so for Buddha’s sake don’t take your digital camera and cell phone with you!
2. ALWAYS take someone who needs a wheelchair with you when your going. If no one needs a wheelchair invest the 35 dollars in getting one anyway….it will make your day go a hell of a lot faster!
3. California Adventure closes at 10…so make sure you get there before it closes
4. Always stay at the Sheraton…they have nice rooms for a decent price.
5. The busses come every 30 minutes…be prepared to wait a full 30 minutes when you are ready to go because without fail you will miss every bus you try to catch by 1-2 minutes.

We should have went back for Christmas because there was no way we could create a “normal” Christmas without grandma and were doomed to disappointment with how different the day was. That and I had 5 days off instead of 2….it didn’t even feel like the holidays this year. I spent the 5 days in a haze and went back to work feeling like I didn’t have any time off.

This was also the year of the baby…thankfully not my baby! Babies all around and for the first time in many years that does not depress me. The most special baby is my best friend’s dream come true…A lil’ one that will bless us with its presence in ’07 and whom I will love like my own because I’m pretty sure I have decided that I am never going to have my own.

The coming years bring uncertainty but with this uncertainty comes the possibility for true happiness. This is a possibility that I can’t pass up. Sure I may not find true happiness but if I don’t look then I don’t even have the possibility. I just have to get past my greatest enemy...myself! - Glitter Graphics, Glitter Love, MySpace Graphics, MySpace Codes, MySpace layouts, Doll Codes, Glitter Words

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Something to be

"I feel happy...and you know how big that is for me" is my quote of the day. This evening (well yesterday evening now) I finally realized how far I have actually come in the past year and a half. Its been tough at times, and there were many instances in which I felt like giving up...but I didn't. I am in such a better place not just physically, but mentally and spiritually. Moments like tonight are what keep me going. There is no need to go into the details. Very few people would understand anyway. I just want to document the first night in a long time I have felt like a person that I am proud to be. I am posting the song that I think represents what the last 4 years have been for me. I hope it helps you understand why I am so excited about getting to what I have achieved. As always, Rob says it better than I ever could :-)

Something to be
by Rob Thomas

Hey man
I don't wanna hear about love no more
I don't wanna talk about how I feel
I don't really wanna be me no more

Dress down now I look a little too
Boy next door
Maybe I should try to find a downtown whore
That'll make me look hardcore
I need you to tell me what to stand for

I've been looking for something
Something I've never seen
We're all looking for something
Something to be

Hey man
Play another one of those heartbreak songs
Tell another story how things go wrong
And they never get back
My pain is a platinum stack
Take that shit back
You don't wanna be me when it all goes wrong
You don't wanna see me with the houselights on
I'm a little too headstrong
Stand tall
I don't wanna get walked on

I've been looking for something
Something I've never seen
We're all looking for something
Something to be

I can't stand what I'm starting to be
I can't stand the people that I'm starting to need
There's so much now
That can go wrong
And I don't need somebody
Trying to help it along
It's the same old song
Everybody says you've been away too long
Everybody wanna tell you what went wrong
Wanna make you like an icon
Till you believe it to be

I've been looking for something
Something I've never seen
We're all looking for something
Something to be

Monday, December 11, 2006

The final product

Just thought since I posted what I was considering for my tat I should let everyone see the finished product (and the outline too...why not). Hope y'all like it. I think it turned out awesome (I'd better since its not going anywhere)!

Saturday, December 02, 2006


A friend sent me a kinda cool personality quiz. I don't know how it does it but it was frighteningly accurate:

Wanna try?


You are longing for some love and affection at this time - not that you have been deprived of tender loving care - but there are times when everyone needs to try something new or to go 'somewhere' else to perhaps experience that little extra 'understanding'.

You are trying to improve your position and prestige - be it in your life or in your workplace. Things are, at this time, OK - but they could be better. You feel that it is essential that you break down any opposition that could possibly lurk in the shadows. You know that you are quite capable of achieving this set goal because you have to and because it is essential to your self esteem.

You are prepared to establish a particular relationship that is being made available to you at this time. It could be a satisfactory liaison but there could be a certain amount of conflict involved -try to avoid direct confrontation at all costs.

You are feeling trapped by the situation as it stands at this time and what is more, you feel powerless to remedy it. You are stressful, angry and disgruntled. You feel that everything that you try to do to change the situation is thwarted and your hopes and aspirations all seem to be receding into the ever distant future. You have reached the state where you now doubt whether your dreams will ever be achieved and this is not only causing mental stress but heartache. You need to get away from it all - you need to have time to think, to recuperate, to be able to make your own decisions.

You don't like conflict and you endeavour to avoid criticism. You want to do your own thing and to be able to decide what is right for you. You have considerable personable charm - and this is used with considerable effect on those that keep your company.

I need your help

I'm going to get a tattoo next weekend. I am getting it in honor of my grandmother who as you may know passed away almost 9 months ago. She always called me her ladybug (I was the first!) and she loved angels so I am going to get a tattoo of a ladybug with angel wings. Trouble is I can't find any pictures I like so I am looking for the ladybug and the angel wings seperately at the moment and I'll have the tattoo guy try to combine them. These are the wings I've found so far. BTW: if you can draw and want to try to make a design for me PLEASE DO! :-) Let me know what you think.

And here are the ladybugs I'm looking at: