Don't shoot the messenger

Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be.

- Grandma Moses

Grandma Moses is a very smart woman. She understood taking personal responsibility for your actions. Things don't happen to you, you make things happen. That being said I do want to take the time for a little vocabulary lesson.

ru·mor (n.)

1. A piece of unverified information of uncertain origin usually spread by word of mouth.
2. Unverified information received from another; hearsay.

gos·sip (n.)

1. Rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature.
2. A person who habitually spreads intimate or private rumors or facts.
3. Trivial, chatty talk or writing.
4. A close friend or companion.
5. Chiefly British. A godparent.

o·pin·ion (n.)

1. A belief or conclusion held with confidence but not substantiated by positive knowledge or proof: “The world is not run by thought, nor by imagination, but by opinion” (Elizabeth Drew).
2. A judgment based on special knowledge and given by an expert: a medical opinion.
3. A judgment or estimation of the merit of a person or thing: has a low opinion of braggarts.
4. The prevailing view: public opinion.
5. Law. A formal statement by a court or other adjudicative body of the legal reasons and principles for the conclusions of the court.

With all the mutterings in my life about rumors and those vicious gossipers I thought I would post the dictionary definitions of these words to clear up any misunderstandings. If you notice rumors are not facts or personal observation. I would say that close friends and associates would not qualify as uncertain origin so the facts or personal observations of these people while techinically gossip do not constitute rumors. The fact remains that guilt is a human condition and as such we naturally try to cover up what we don't like about ourselves and our past actions. While this is understandable, does it really entitle a person to be upset when your past comes back to haunt them (as it invariably does)? I personally have done a lot of bad things in my life. I am no saint, and am not even going to try to claim that I will never do anything beyond reproach in remainder of my life. When someone observes and judges my actions I must admit that they are entitled to their opinion, even if I don't agree with it. Now when someone I don't want to know about my skeletons finds out do I have a right to get upset with the source that from which they obtained the information? No...I do not think I do. As an adult I have to take responsibility for my actions (including my choice to ignore or hide these facts in the first place) and realize that the truth hurts even more the longer you hold off on telling it or admitting it.

So that leads me to question, what happens when a so called "rumor" is actually a truth. We all know the saying "the truth hurts". People don't like to have the truth pointed out to them when they are trying so hard to ignore or bury it. I contend that you can never move on or grow out of your past until you accept your past and come to terms with it. Communication is the key to succesful personal relationships and living a life relatively free from the pain of lies, decption, and so called rumors. If you have nothing to hide, then you will not be affected by the rumors that seem to control you life when they are being spread around. Rumors don't tear lives apart, only your actions can do that.

Now about gossip. Friends and social circles often discuss their observations of those close to them in order to figure out how to help their loved ones. The word gossip has many negative connotations in our society, but as you can see from the definition below, there is nothing negative about the word gossip going by the dictionary.com definition. When the exchange of information is of a vindictive nature then I would agree that a gossip would be negative, however, that is not always the case.

The moral of this story is that I am 27+ years old and I have come to the conclusion that it is time to grow up and take responsibility for our lives. I am trying to do that, and I hope that everyone else will as well.