Wow...its been a long time since I've sat down and actually wrote anything on here. I think that is because my life has been filled with so much crap going on that I really have had no motivation to do anything. I realized this the other day when I got a Snicker's bar that gave a word to describe something I have felt more than once over this past semester. If you are wondering about the subject of this blog I will tell you that nougatocity is: "A fleeting yet exhilarating sense of accomplishment that makes you realize just how unmotivated you actually are".
We have less than 40 days left and I have so much to do and so much to pay for but all I feel like doing is locking myself in my room and sleeping. That being said I am ready for my 2 year "abstinence" from partying like its 1999 to end. I realized this at Shawny and Dan's wedding where I had so much fun...even if I didn't always have control of my emotions. I haven't had fun like that in a very long time. I will always be grateful to my mom and dad and grandma for bringing me up here and whipping me into shape (as much as they possibly could)....and I love the people I have met up here, it is just not the same. I think its because I haven't let it BE the same for fear that I would lose my momentum and flunk out of the program. I am sorry for that Chico people. I would love to hang out more and go out and party but truth be told I just don't have the constitution to multi task my partying any more...I'm too old for that shit :-) Actually, if the wedding could have been a couple of weeks later it probably would have been better since it has been REALLY hard to get back into the swing of things this week. My mind is a bit obsessive and once it gets on a certain wavelength it is REALLY hard for me to turn it off and move on. I was hoping that this might have faded over the past 2-3 years but I guess not. Just means I have to work harder and remember to take my medicine ;-) In the meantime I just drive myself crazy with my thought process until it finally fades....hopefully for my patients tomorrow it will be soon :-)
So whats the plan after school.....this is the question that I am getting from EVERYONE. People I meet for the first time find out I'm graduating and the first thing they ask is "what next?" I have had so many plans over the past year or two that I really don't know what to say. I always lead off with "I guess that depends on if I actually pass my tests" which depending on the day is a big maybe :-) I guess the most honest thing to say is that I really want to get out of the Chico/Oroville area. Not because it is a bad place to be, but there is not a lot of job opportunity, I don't like how the hospitals are run, and I just have never let it feel like home. I have never gotten the opportunity to travel very far so I think it would be REALLY cool to do a travelling RT where they place you in different parts of the country (or sometimes even internationally) for 6-12 months at a time. I will need some experience for that and I think I would eventually like to get a bachelor's degree before I do that so I am hoping to get on with a hospital in Sacramento or Stockton so that I can be closer to my "old" friends and not so far from my family and "new" friends. I will apply everywhere but I am really hoping to get a job at UC Davis in the neonatal or pediatric areas. Obviously though I will pretty much take anything I am offered. I had originally thought of going down to Southern California immediately to be near my brother and his family but I'm not ready for that at this point, and with the cost of living down there it is more economical to do that as a traveller I think. So after I get a couple years experience who knows, maybe you will see me in SO CAL.
I guess that's really all that is going on right now. Mom is getting a little sad because I'm leaving but I know she will realize how much happier she is with me when she can send me home :-) Besides, now she will have a place to run away to when my dad drives her crazy. On top of all the nerves I am very excited to have the opportunity to live on my own and be an actual grown up. Don't get me wrong, I love being taken care of but it is hard on your self-esteem when you are 30 years old and still living with your mommy and daddy...
Well enough of my rambling...time to get off my ass and actually accomplish something today. I love and miss all of you. If you have a chance drop me a line or a comment. I get lonely when I am procrastinating :-)